Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
