U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
