I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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