My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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