this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i believe in u and ur pee
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