ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
