her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
