when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
