remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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