it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
