i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
