walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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