Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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