I'm eating all of the evidence.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
