Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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