Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
