Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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