Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
