nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
