Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
