hotel room ftw
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
