Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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