I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
