Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
