Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
honey bunches of taint.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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