There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
They took my balls.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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