I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
