I wish my penis had an off switch
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
