Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
