i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
