Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
