The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
