And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
