Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
