Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
