I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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