my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
