i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
