Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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