Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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