I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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