I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
