That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
