I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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