WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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