even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
