I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
