dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
