You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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