Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
