I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
